My late husband always got gas for the car. The first time I did it after he died was quite traumatic. I was required to first scan my BJs membership card and then insert my credit card. I couldn’t figure out how to scan the membership card and as I looked at the line of cars waiting, I felt myself panicking. The lovely young woman behind me came to my aid. I was sure she saw me as a bumbling old woman so I blurted out “my husband just died and he always got the gas! Not one of my proudest moments.
Hi Debra -- First of all, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband! Like Nicola, I'm glad you were met with kindness. But also, I think your story captures one of the most important lessons I'm learning in this whole process -- how to accept help and appreciate kindness! It's not necessary to be able to do everything on our own on this path we're walking. Connecting with other people is one of the healthiest ways we can continue to grow and develop. And letting them know what's going on with us is part of the connecting. So you can be very proud of that moment! Thanks so much for sharing this!
What? You never pumped gas because you were a woman? What? I thought equality was important to you? Why not pump gas? Are you weak? More than your husband and not as intelligent I guess you loser
I loved this, especially the suggestions of how to shift one’s expectations, perhaps ever so slightly. And the empowerment one can feel from taking on a new task!
I love the specifics of your stories, Diane. Knowing I am not alone in having areas I avoid is soothing! (I had to google what a car seat cover is - fancy that! Maybe I should get some!) Last year we had to have some trees felled which suddenly created a blank brown canvas of a back yard. After my husband was very ill it became a cheering project to plant some green things. I know nothing about gardening but it turns out not to be that hard! Now we’re both getting enormous pleasure from sitting looking at our flowers and (admittedly weedy) lawn. Many thanks
You've put your finger on another part of this process, Nicola -- actually a couple of parts!!! Recognizing that we don't have to know everything and that we don't have to do anything perfectly is, to my mind, a lovely part of getting older!!! Your garden sounds delightful! And how nice that you were able to plant it and enjoy it!!! And don't worry about not knowing about seat covers -- I had to google to find out what was available these days as well. I grew up with towels to cover the stains in the family car. Who knew you could get something really nice these days?
This past summer I went on a Road Scholar hiking trip to Cape Breton Island, something I’d always wanted to do. I hadn’t been hiking in years and granted, this was a hiking trip for older folks, but still…I ascertained that I was probably the oldest person on the trip and I had a wonderful time. I figured now or never!
I think you are on to something. As I live alone here on the farm, there are many things I ask for help with that I used to do for myself. That does leave me time to take on new tasks that I didn’t make time for before.
What a great insight -- that when we recognize there are things we no longer can -- or want -- to do, and we ask for help with them, we're freeing up time to do other things!!
Thank you, Diane. You reaffirm my daily thoughts of "Can I do this?" I recently had to reattach two hinges on a door in my house. I began by wondering if I should wait until one of my sons had time to come over and fix it, which might be Christmas. Then I thought of what my late husband would have done, and followed what I thought his lead would be. I was proud when the door was fixed and hanging properly. We can do things we have never done before. Confidence is a learned experience.
Great story, Sandi!!! Thanks so much for sharing it! it captures the essence of this process perfectly, and your conclusion is right on the money. Confidence is learned, and every time we try something new, we have the opportunity to be proud of our efforts and of the fact that we tried, even if we didn't get to the place we wanted to get.
My late husband always got gas for the car. The first time I did it after he died was quite traumatic. I was required to first scan my BJs membership card and then insert my credit card. I couldn’t figure out how to scan the membership card and as I looked at the line of cars waiting, I felt myself panicking. The lovely young woman behind me came to my aid. I was sure she saw me as a bumbling old woman so I blurted out “my husband just died and he always got the gas! Not one of my proudest moments.
Hi Debra -- First of all, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband! Like Nicola, I'm glad you were met with kindness. But also, I think your story captures one of the most important lessons I'm learning in this whole process -- how to accept help and appreciate kindness! It's not necessary to be able to do everything on our own on this path we're walking. Connecting with other people is one of the healthiest ways we can continue to grow and develop. And letting them know what's going on with us is part of the connecting. So you can be very proud of that moment! Thanks so much for sharing this!
😂
This is the fucking dumbest most sexist story ever Barf lady
What? You never pumped gas because you were a woman? What? I thought equality was important to you? Why not pump gas? Are you weak? More than your husband and not as intelligent I guess you loser
I’m glad you were met with kindness.
I loved this, especially the suggestions of how to shift one’s expectations, perhaps ever so slightly. And the empowerment one can feel from taking on a new task!
I completely agree, Linda. I'm thinking that these tiny shifts in our expectations are crucial to managing this new path. Thank you!!
I love the specifics of your stories, Diane. Knowing I am not alone in having areas I avoid is soothing! (I had to google what a car seat cover is - fancy that! Maybe I should get some!) Last year we had to have some trees felled which suddenly created a blank brown canvas of a back yard. After my husband was very ill it became a cheering project to plant some green things. I know nothing about gardening but it turns out not to be that hard! Now we’re both getting enormous pleasure from sitting looking at our flowers and (admittedly weedy) lawn. Many thanks
You've put your finger on another part of this process, Nicola -- actually a couple of parts!!! Recognizing that we don't have to know everything and that we don't have to do anything perfectly is, to my mind, a lovely part of getting older!!! Your garden sounds delightful! And how nice that you were able to plant it and enjoy it!!! And don't worry about not knowing about seat covers -- I had to google to find out what was available these days as well. I grew up with towels to cover the stains in the family car. Who knew you could get something really nice these days?
Wtf are uou that fucking elite? No one in the real world would know you. lol you idiot
This past summer I went on a Road Scholar hiking trip to Cape Breton Island, something I’d always wanted to do. I hadn’t been hiking in years and granted, this was a hiking trip for older folks, but still…I ascertained that I was probably the oldest person on the trip and I had a wonderful time. I figured now or never!
Wow! Great story and good for you!! I've just put hiking with Road Scholar on my list of new adventures to try!
I think you are on to something. As I live alone here on the farm, there are many things I ask for help with that I used to do for myself. That does leave me time to take on new tasks that I didn’t make time for before.
What a great insight -- that when we recognize there are things we no longer can -- or want -- to do, and we ask for help with them, we're freeing up time to do other things!!
Sounds so familiar. Like you I am a bit stubborn. Must run in the family. You should post a pic of the seat covers. Thinking of you both.
Robin
One day I'll post a picture, Robin! And yes, we're not the only stubborn ones in the family!!
Thank you, Diane. You reaffirm my daily thoughts of "Can I do this?" I recently had to reattach two hinges on a door in my house. I began by wondering if I should wait until one of my sons had time to come over and fix it, which might be Christmas. Then I thought of what my late husband would have done, and followed what I thought his lead would be. I was proud when the door was fixed and hanging properly. We can do things we have never done before. Confidence is a learned experience.
Great story, Sandi!!! Thanks so much for sharing it! it captures the essence of this process perfectly, and your conclusion is right on the money. Confidence is learned, and every time we try something new, we have the opportunity to be proud of our efforts and of the fact that we tried, even if we didn't get to the place we wanted to get.